Follow Your Heart
by starkidtw
Summary: She has your heart, Grissom. No matter where she is, your heart always belongs to her. A sequel to The Farthest Distance, GC, sort of.


Title : Follow Your Heart  
Rating: PG  
Summary: "She has your heart, Grissom. No matter where she is, your heart always belongs to her."  
Disclaimer: Show, not mine, characters, not me, they all belong to CBS. Don't sue.

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It has been a long night. We just finished a double a few minutes ago, and I still have the endless paperwork to do.

The office is quiet, too quiet for my liking. I mean I enjoy quietness all the time and I am used to it, but not when I sit in my office with papers that God knows when I'm going to finish. At this moment, I wish there were more sounds than just the sound I'm making while flipping through the papers and my breathing. For example, the sounds of someone's laughter or talks.

The sounds of Catherine's laughter or her voice.

What am I doing? I can't think of her, I shouldn't. Right now I need to stop my mind wandering to her. I have to focus on my papers and do my job, not to think about someone who is gone and will never come back, not to miss someone who has a beautiful life now and is enjoying it without me.

But I do miss her, I miss my best friend. Is it unusual to miss your best friend? I don't think I can stop missing her. Putting my glasses down, I look at the calendar on my desk. A month. It has been a month since she left, and I still haven't found a new CSI for my team. Maybe I don't need another CSI, maybe I don't want to have another CSI to replace Catherine, or maybe I just want Catherine.

Now I sound pathetic.

But the longer she is gone, the more I miss her.

Of course I miss her. I miss her laughter; I miss how she tease me and make me blush; I miss how she laughed at my jokes and slapped me playfully. I miss our breakfast time and the times we did paperwork together in my office; I miss her by my side, talking to me, arguing with me, flirting with me. I miss our connection without a word.

I miss our company to each other, I miss Catherine.

Sure, we still talk to each other on the phone once or twice a week. We still keep in touch but it's not the same.

I still don't understand why she had to leave. She said she needed a new life, but why? I never understand women, and Catherine? I think I can never understand her.

"Grissom?"

I snap my eyes from the papers that I have been staring at and see Sara standing in front of the door, frowning.

I should be happy to see her, I mean, she was my girlfriend and you should be happy when you see your girlfriend, right? Not want her to just go away and leave you alone.

"Yes?"

Trying to smile a little to meet her concerned eyes, I know she cares and is worried about me, but I just want to be alone and miss my best friend.

Is it cheating? You know you miss your best friend more than seeing your girlfriend? Maybe I shouldn't use "girlfriend", I mean, yes, Sara and I are seeing each other, but we don't go that deep, and I don't think we can go any further.

"Warrick and I just finished our case and want to find something to eat, you wanna come?"

"No, thanks. The papers still have to be done, you guys go and enjoy."

I can see disappointment in her eyes. I feel sorry for her but I'm just not in the mood for company, her company. So I give her a smile and go back to my papers.

"Grissom..."

Now I feel a little annoyed. Why can't she just leave me alone? Why can't she see that I need my room to be my own?

"Anything else, Sara?"

The fear in her eyes makes me frown, I can sense that she has something important to say but she is having a hard time doing that.

"Look, Sara, no matter what it is, we can talk about it tomorrow when we are at work. You may leave since Warrick is..."

"We need to talk."

Now I become worried. What does she want to talk about?

"Fine, but be quick and simple, I really need to get the papers done."

She takes a deep breath. I can tell she is nervous.

"I don't think you are yourself recently, Grissom. You keep pushing people away. You push me away."

I can't believe this. Now it's my fault?

I just want to be alone to miss my best friend while doing my paperwork, why can't they understand? Why can't they understand that I'm a private person? Why can't they just understand me like Catherine did?

"Sara, I'm not keeping pushing people away. I'm a private person, you know that."

From her eyes I can see that she doesn't buy my words. Is it bad that I wish Catherine was here for saving me from this situation?

"Listen, if it's about my canceling our dinner last night..."

"It's not the problem."

"Then what is it? You know our work is heavy and overtime. These few days have been crazy, it's like every murder wants to be committed in Vegas and I still can't find a person to replace Catherine!"

"Maybe that's the problem."

Snapping my eyes back to Sara, I can't deny the surprise in my voice.

"What are you talking about?!"

"You don't want anyone."

"What do you mean I don't want anyone?"

"You just don't want anyone to replace Catherine."

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"Am I?"

Why do I have to have such a conversation with Sara? She has no right to tell me that. Or does she?

"You miss her."

Sara is not asking me a question, she is telling me the truth. The truth that we both know.

"Sara..."

"Will you miss me that much if I were the one who left?"

"It's not..."

"Just answer the question, Grissom."

Why does she have to ask the question? Why can't she just let go and leave me alone to miss my best friend, my Catherine? Is it too much to ask for these?

"You are not Catherine, Sara."

And she laughs, not a happy but a sarcastic one. It scares me a little. I've never seen Sara like this.

"I think we both know it and I assume that's why you have been acting like this recently, Grissom."

"I just..."

"I know, you just miss Catherine."

Then we are both silent and we stare at each other, waiting for the next word and move from one another.

"It's never gonna work, is it?"

She asks the question and I know what she's talking about. She is talking about us.

Sara and me.

"I thought we could at first, you know? I thought that I finally had your attention when I told you how I felt and what I wanted. And when you responded to my feelings, it felt like I was the happiest woman in the world, and I thought that was it, that was the love I had longed for so long."

I see tears falling down her cheeks. I didn't mean to hurt her like this. I'm sorry, Sara.

"I think it's time to stop pretending everything is fine between us, Grissom. It's not me you want to be with, and I know I'm never going to be the one."

"Sara..."

She raises her hand to stop me.

"Just...just let me finish, okay? I need to do it for myself."

I nod and let her continue.

"I followed my heart and told you my feelings, but it did't work and I accept this result. But it's time for you to follow your heart and tell her how you feel now."

I can't believe this. Did she just say what I thought she just said?

"You are not just missing her as your best friend, Grissom. You miss Catherine because she is the one you need."

I am stunned and I can't find a word to say. I don't know what to say now, Catherine is the one I need? My best friend for almost twenty years?

"You love her and it's time for you to accept it."

Catherine. I love Catherine.

Oh my God. I love Catherine. I can't believe I just realized it now, and it's Sara who made me realize it.

"Do you know what else I realized because of her leaving?"

I swallow hard but don't answer her because I don't trust my voice.

"I was never jealous of Catherine for what she had, but there is one thing she has I desire the most that I know I will never have..."

"Sara..."

"She has your heart, Grissom. No matter where she is, your heart always belongs to her."

I pause for a moment then I say the only words I can offer her.

"I'm sorry."

Then I see her smiling at me, with tears on her face.

"Go find her. And don't let her go this time."

And Sara walks away from my office, leaves me alone to face the emotions and the fact.

I love Catherine.

God. I love her.

I need to tell her. I need to stand in front of her and tell her that I love her.

Without further thought, I grab my jacket and storm out of my office, I almost knock Greg off.

"Watch out dude! What's the hurry?"

"Sorry Greg!"

I can't tell him what happened, not right now. I just realized that I have been in love with a woman for as long as I've known her. And I need to tell her now.

Please wait for me, Catherine.

Please wait for me.

::fins::


End file.
